Never Put Off for Tomorrow
by ryulabird2
Summary: Oneshot. Wammy finds out something he'd rather have not known. Slight crack. Vaguely pornish. Unrelated to anything. Poor Wammy


**Japan, Tokyo, Imperial Hotel, 6:00 PM**

Quillish frantically waited for L to answer the call, wondering if something had happened since the last time he'd spoken directly to L and Harry. He couldn't think why else that had happened at the Task Force meeting otherwise- L rarely got sick and when he did, he never allowed himself to give in to any physical reaction while using the L link-up. As for Harry, well, L had decided that he would not allow Harry to be involved in the Kira Case and would attend meetings through his computer only while Harry was in another room of his apartment. So, why had L coughed?

"Yes," L finally picked up, though his voice sounded oddly distracted.

"Brian! There you are my lad," Quillish gave the code to indicate he was not in Watari garb. "I have been worried about you- are you ill?"

"No, why do you ask?" L questioned, sounding as though he was paying more attention now.

"Well, when you called me earlier, I thought I heard you coughing..." Quillish said concernedly.

"Ah," L said in realization. "That was Tobias."

"Tobias?" Quillish repeated in surprise. Hadn't L said Harry was going to be kept out of the room when he spoke with the Kira Task Force? "Why..." Quillish tried to think of a way to discretely ask why Harry had suddenly been allowed access to L's work room.

"Yes, I think he may be coming down with a cold," L said speculatively and Quillish could almost see L giving Harry a critical look, trying to spot where exactly the cold had taken hold of him. "He says he is not- only that his throat is sore."

"Sore?" Quillish repeated dumbly. He still didn't understand why Harry had been allowed so close to L's computer when he was working. Had L been concerned about Harry's supposed cold and kept him close to keep an eye on him?

"Yes, this may actually be the case," L replied after a pause. "He has been shouting a great deal recently."

"Shouting?" Now Quillish was even more confused.

"Yes, he does it quite frequently," L told him, as if describing the weather. "I even put three of my fingers in his mouth last night to quiet him, but he still managed to shout himself hoarse."

Quillish blinked as his mind failed to come up with any logical response to this. What in the world was going on with those boys?

"Have you two been fighting again?" Quillish asked tiredly. Surely that could be the only reason for this odd occurrence. Yes, he thought, Harry must still be trying to convince L to bring Quillish himself out of Japan for his safety and L... He probably _would_ try to quiet Harry by sticking his fingers in Harry's mouth. Those two had such peculiar fights.

"No," L sounded amused. "We have been having sex. Harry is quite vocal mid-coitus," L explained frankly.

Quillish felt his mind go blank in shock.

L, taking his silence for confusion, began to explain further. "We started full intercourse last night- after a brief argument over who would top first. I argued that, in the interest of safety, I should go first because Harry's member is thicker than my own and would have a greater chance of injuring me should something go wrong. Harry argued that my own member was longer, so size was a mote point."

Quillish opened and closed his mouth desperately. He needed L to stop, now, but he appeared to have lost his voice.

"However, I told him that I had the most technical knowledge of the act and would therefore have a better understanding of proper responses in the event of a difficulty. Harry argued that technical knowledge wasn't as good as practical knowledge and we should flip a coin for it. I then exercised a bit of my technical knowledge on the act of kissing and we both came to an agreement- yesterday was my turn and today is Harry's turn."

Quillish's eyes were clenched shut. He could see exactly such an argument taking place- he could see L reasonably laying out the facts of his knowledge in the realm of physical intimacy _(And when exactly had he gotten such a thing, anyway?_ Quillish thought feverishly), and he could see Harry stubbornly arguing against them all. Worse, he could see L-

"This was, of course, the best outcome," L's voice continued, now having a smug undertone about it. "Harry learns best through doing, so after experiencing the act firsthand, I believe he will be able to mimic most of my movements tonight. Also, should there need to be an adjustment for any reason, I will certainly be able to direct Harry in the correct action." L now sounded so absurdly pleased with himself, Quillish had the ridiculous notion that cake must be factoring into the situation somewhere. "Harry takes direction very well while in an excited state."

In the background, Quillish heard a sudden shout and bang. He could hear Harry's voice yelling various things at L- chief among them being something along the lines of "You're not supposed to tell people about that!" Quillish heartily agreed and wished he'd been able to say so much sooner. It seemed that while L was describing their private affairs over the phone, Harry had been in a different room and came in just as L mentioned the last part.

Quillish sighed resignedly as he hung up- all he could hear from L's end was a very loud shouting match (mostly Harry) which was most definitely a fight. Placing the phone carefully on the table in the center of the room, Quillish collapsed in one of the arm chairs and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

For years, Quillish had thought that L would never be able to relate to another human being on such an intimate level. As such, Quillish had been vaguely relieved not to have to speak to L about the appropriate manner one had when in a relationship, but now it seemed that he should have done so regardless.

Because, worse than giving L a speech about proper interactions between couples when he believed L would never need such knowledge, was giving L a speech about proper interactions between couples when L was _already_ involved with someone (_Another man no less,_ Quillish thought awkwardly) and had already done something inappropriate.

Quillish sighed again, for the first time utterly relieved that he was in Japan and would therefore be unable to make this speech in person.

It was only later that night, after half a glass of merlot, that Quillish realized L had never explained why Harry was near his computer in the first place. Once he realized he'd rather not know, Quillish finished his glass and called down to reception for another bottle.

XxXxXxX

**AN:** ...Don't ask.

Not part of Encounters.

...Just don't ask. ... Poor Wammy...


End file.
